The “Your Country is a Shithole” Theory

A lot of people are asking how we can create immigration policies to keep America safe. Libertarians say we’re safer with open borders, just like a house is safer with no walls. Recently, Trump has banned immigrants from six Islamic nations. In the long run, however, none of these approaches is effective.

So, for absolutely free, I lend my genius to Trump and Congress by creating my own solution. It takes no special training, requires no divisive edicts, and is entirely practical. It merely asks that — when faced with a prospective immigrant — border patrol officers, customs employees, and ICE agents ask themselves one simple question: “Is this person’s country an Islamic shithole?”

If yes, sorry, you can’t come in. Shitty Islamic countries breed shitty Islamic people.

In Somalia, for example, rape is considered “normal.” 80% of Sudanese people support the death penalty for homosexuals. Doesn’t this kind of conflict with American tolerance?

If we say NARALT and interview for entrance, how do we detect the dangerous ones? “Okay, everybody who wants to kill gay people, raise your hand”

And why the hell are they coming to America? We eat pork like motherfuckers. There’s a jew on every block. God is just an excuse to stuff our faces and get wasted. We’re not like you. We don’t care about religion.  Besides, there are wealthier Islamic nations (like Egypt, Saudi Arabia, Tunisia) that are sympathetic to both rapists and peaceful Muslims. Move there.

“But,” I hear you say, “Not all Yemenis/Syrians/Somalis are like that!”

Precisely. That’s why we can’t let you enter; because we can’t differentiate between the peacenik Sufi and Sayyid Duneraper. We’ll just have to judge you by your country. No hard feelings.

“But can’t we take the humanitarians/geniuses/artists? Don’t we want people like them?”

Oh, you greedy fuck.

You know how hard it is to find a genius in Somalia? A Picasso in Yemen? The precious few who exist are the ones who definitely need to stay home so they can fuck, have kids, and maybe rescue their country’s steaming, uronic gene pool. You want to stub that nation’s shot at posterity?

“What about diversity?”

American “diversity” is fucking garbage. Bogus quotas and interracial signaling renders organic diversity impossible. If diversity is, it is. I don’t need the government to add mixed veggies to my life salad, thank you. 

“But people are dying! Suffering!” 
I know, it’s a shame. Warlike nations with warlike cultures guided by warlike ideologies often perpetuate the cycle. Perhaps we should withdraw completely and let them figure it out. Or fight it out. 

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