Women don’t need Careers

The labor market is more flooded than Cambodia during the rainy season, so why are we pushing women to get careers? We’re projected to lose 7 million jobs by 2025, so why are we stressing the importance of putting vaginas in labcoats? Most men don’t even want careers, so why should we assume women do? Every time I ask a woman why she wants a career, she starts spewing insecure bullshit other gogrrls at the nail salon have scissored into her thinkclit: “I want to be strong and independent!” No, you want triplets and a cookbook. That’s what biology says. Sorry, I didn’t make the rules; you can burn your bra, but your biological clock is fireproof.

“We’re fighting for women’s liberation!” Good news: you can stop fighting — you’ll never be liberated again. Oh, you *were* liberated; your hardest decision used to be whether to serve white or yellow rice. You didn’t even have to vote. Now. you get to wear a pants suit and be a consultant for Chips Ahoy! How does it feel, bitch? Ya made it to the man’s world, selling your soul with the best of em. These were jobs men did to feed their families; men who hated their employers but sacrificed integrity to preserve the livelihoods of their women and their children. But women just copy whatever they want to fuck. They see a scholarly professor saying smart things or a hardened businessman in a nice suit and they want to be around them. But somewhere along the line, women became convinced they could *be* what inspires them; but that’s not what inspires them! What inspires them is creating families led by men whom they admire.

Don’t give me the bullshit that you’re happier with a full time gig. If that’s true, why are you incessantly soliciting facebook likes with encyclopedias of duckface selfies? Why is your face smushed into your cellphone for three quarters of your waking existence? Why do you need this alternate reality of digital gratification? It’s because you hate your life. And that’s a man’s job, honey.

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